Values-Based Living & Intentional Practice

I’m 33 weeks pregnant this week, and I’m feeling more ready – as though I’ve turned a corner in the great transition into motherhood.

Yesterday, I felt a little hand by my belly button; it was so clear I could count the tiny little fingers through my skin. I held my baby’s hand at 33 weeks pregnant, and it was one of the most extraordinary and precious moments so far – with many more to come, I have no doubt.

I’ve had a lot come up throughout my pregnancy. My community calls it a 9-month ceremony, and I’ve been treating it as such; the power of that statement is not lost on me. In a recent episode on the Wilder Podcast, I talk a little about the rising anger through my first trimester and its occurrences throughout my pregnancy. And, more recently, my friend Will interviewed me for his podcast Anything is Everything, where we talked about the archetypal changes during pregnancy and beyond!

It hasn’t just been anger that has shown up – there’s a whole array of emotions and patterns that have come to the forefront of my daily experience. Of course, they’ve been inside me all along, but that they are coming up now shows me their importance, and it has given me a 9-month period of learning about them, developing relationships with them and deepening my understanding of them. I know as soon as my baby arrives, there will be other layers of lessons for me, and my work will be to pay attention and integrate what I’ve learned here and now into my day-to-day.

Of course, I haven’t walked into a cave for nine months! There are connections every day that have been deeply important, and integration is already happening. Still, I have certainly pulled back, protected myself, and honoured this time to allow my system to shift and settle. And now, at 33 weeks, my eyes are fixed on manifesting a beautiful and natural birth process!

I want to be clear about something – there’s power in our minds. We have an incredible ability to use our mindset for healing, growth and creation. In the world of manifestation, we talk a lot about limiting beliefs and the process of clearing them. I don’t believe in this. I don’t believe in pushing emotions, mechanisms, thought patterns, or behaviours away just because they don’t fit into our narrative of what we want. In my experience, this constant pushing away, our attempts at rewiring alone, and our desperate efforts not to give specific stories our attention usually offers the opposite result. It’s the same thing that happens if I tell you not to think of a pink elephant, you simply can’t help thinking of a pink elephant! It also ends up pushing these things deeper into our subconscious, repressing them until they burst out at a later date – this is why I talk about learning about our emotions, building relationships with them and deepening our self-understanding, work that goes alongside the rewiring process.

Suppose we can be in a relationship with these more difficult parts of ourselves, the parts that may create struggle in our life or the ones that really don’t support the narrative of what we want. Then, from the place of relationship, we can hear them through our hearts, with compassion and acceptance. Somehow, they become quieter and the opportunities for new thought patterns and ways of being naturally occur.

There’s magic in the art of honouring every part of us.

Is it easy? Heck no! This is why I always suggest working with someone – I certainly do. And it’s a joy to offer space for other women to work with me as their coach and Level 1 IFS practitioner.

But, let’s come back to the power of our minds for a moment. Just because we intend to develop a relationship with our narratives, awareness of our patterns, and understanding with our parts instead of pushing them away, or, to use manifestation language, clear our limiting beliefs – it doesn’t mean we allow all input from the outside world.

At this stage in my pregnancy, it has become more crucial than ever to create safe space in my body – space that cultivates:

Naturally expansive breathing patterns
Relaxed muscle tone
Mental and emotional trust in my body and surrounding environment
Overall safety within my nervous system.
And, SO MUCH OXYTOCIN

And, though I am no doula, I understand that each of these things is critical for a peaceful and gentle birth! Knowing how much I value everything on this list, I can now make informed values-based decisions on what inputs and influences I allow from the outside world.

Here are a couple of questions that will help you create awareness of the activating inputs around you, regardless of where you’re at in life (meaning you do not have to be about to have a baby to do this work!! It’s for everyone!)

What circumstances initiate your unwanted or “tightenning” thoughts, behaviours, emotions and reactions?
What activating circumstances are within your power to eliminate or reduce?
How can you eliminate or reduce these things from a heart and values-centric perspective?
Which of the “tightenned” thoughts, behaviours, emotions or reactions stands out as one that you feel some genuine curiosity about? If this where was a person standing in front of you, how would you get to know them? What would you want to ask them?

Here are a couple of examples from my process that may resonate with you:

Consider, just for a moment, the magnitude of social unrest in our world and your possible desire to stay informed. If it affects you mentally and emotionally to the point that you are activated and can feel the tension in your body, watching the news every night or scrolling through politically or socially charged Instagram posts is probably not the best option. Eliminating or reducing time spent on Instagram or other social media apps aligns to my values of maintaining relaxation through my body. However, I also value staying informed, learning about world events and challenging my perception. Therefore, it’s important to me to reduce my time on these platforms and become intentional about how and when I seek out information and news – remember there’s a line between staying informed and being sucked into the drama of polarized or charged narratives.

Values-based action offers the space to navigate our internal relationships, whether we are dealing with activating habits such as social media use or complex relationships with other people.

Go ahead! Grab your journal and get acquainted with your values-based system.

If you want to go deeper, dive into my Inner Alchemy Series, where we explore our most challenging emotions from the perspective of relationship building and self-compassion.

With love & courage,

Molly